Our Obsession with Not Hurting Feelings

How far is too far in not offending others?

When I logged onto my computer today, a headline caught my eye. “Washington State School District Bans Swings.” I just had to click on the link and sure enough, a town in the state of Washington has decided that swing sets are too dangerous and they are phasing them out. The highest injuries come from a child getting hit when walking in front of a swing. That does hurt. I have had it happen to me and I vividly remember it. It was at a birthday party. It only happened once though. That was a life lesson well learned. I always gave those swings plenty of room after that incident and I still love to swing today. It feels like flying.

This is just one more school ban on kids’ activities in a list of many. Dodge ball has been banned in many districts because feelings can get hurt and I heard that tag had been banned somewhere the other day. My parents played these games and probably my grandparents. How emotionally damaging can they be?

We have become experts in protecting our children from danger both physically and emotionally, but at what cost? I remember kids having to stand in the corner, not to mention paddling. I even had one particularly creative teacher who dealt with classroom bickering by making the two students walk up and down the hall holding hands for the entire class period. It didn’t matter whether it was boy/girl or two boys or two girls. It was very effective. Trust me, you didn’t cross this woman. Could you imagine this happening today?

We have decided that our children should never get their feelings hurt by adults or other kids and that they should never be embarrassed in class, even if they didn’t do their homework or are disrespectful. Unfortunately, adults aren’t doing much better.

We have the little term not even heard of twenty years ago called, “political correctness.” We walk on eggshells around certain people not wanting to offend anyone. The land of free speech as guaranteed by our First Amendment, has become the land of fraidy cats. We are terrified of saying the wrong thing. They taught us in journalism school back in the eighties that the remedy to bad speech was always more speech, never silencing the offending party. That’s what dictatorships did. When did Americans become so thin-skinned? When did someone saying something that I disagreed with or that hurt my feelings, become hate speech?

However it happened, we are often afraid to speak our minds. So the out of control child at school, or in our neighborhood, or in our church, stays out of control. The co-worker who drives us insane with incessant rants does so unchecked. We can watch people we really care about make very bad decisions, but we don’t dare speak out, lest we be accused of judging.

King Solomon, one the of the wisest men who ever lived, wrote in Proverbs 12:1, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.” Ouch! No one likes to get called out. Right? But, he says we are supposed to appreciate someone calling us out and not be angry at that person. That’s a tough thing to do. I’m guessing that’s supposed to go for our kids too.

Paul writes in Hebrews, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Interesting. I have found that to be true in my own life. When my mama made me return the Chicklets I took from Woolworth’s when I was five, I was embarrassed. I never stole anything else.

Perhaps our problem is the further we get away from God and His Word, the more common sense disappears. I suspect Satan loves the idea of humanity running around suing one another and people walking in fear of offending each other. And if kids never get their feelings hurt, can they learn empathy?

This swing set thing really got me to thinking. How much protection is too much? What exactly are we so afraid of? If it’s the disapproval of our fellow humans, it might be time to change our focus. What do you think? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂