The Psychology of the Promposal

Posted on by Wendy
The promposal has become more important than the dance.
The promposal has become more important than the dance.

What in the world is a promposal, you may ask? It’s the craze that has swept high schools across the country where a boy comes up with some elaborate, very public gesture to ask a girl to prom. In my daughter’s high school, it has filtered down to the homecoming dance as well.

Think about the guy who has an airplane fly a banner around a crowded football stadium with a marriage proposal. While we might have an initial, “Oh how sweet!” thought. My next thought is always, “I hope she really wants to marry this guy, because with this proposal, he really left her no choice.”

Back in the late 80’s when I was a teen and the dinosaurs roamed the earth, asking a girl to prom was a more intimate affair. Dating couples always went together. Who else would you go with besides your boyfriend/girlfriend? There were kids who had “liked” each other for awhile and they would get the courage to quietly inquire about each other’s feelings. (Note quietly, usually through a trusted friend, not on Instagram for the entire student body to see.) They would often end up at prom together. Then there were teens that would go as friends, no romance involved at all. The system seemed to work out beautifully.

Now, there’s a competition among all boys to see who can come up with the grandest gesture. I Googled the word promposal and go thirteen million hits. You Tube has forty-six thousand videos of promposals. Now I may be a little old-fashioned here, but it seems to me the shift has gone from the girl to the boy. It’s become about his gesture, not about her answer and it’s certainly not about going together to the dance. They all desperately want to make it on You Tube.

What has happened? We can definitely blame it on social media along with reality television. The entire world wants their fifteen minutes and like the bratty girl in Willy Wonka, “They want it now!” But, I think there’s something deeper going on here. These kids are no longer engaged in true face-to-face relationship.

They are hyper-focused on how things look and competition. There was even one school who had a contest for the best promposal. Do these kids really need more pressure to be self-focused?

I’m all for romance. But, if you think about some of the most romantic moments in your life, were they in front of hundreds of people? I think true romance is between two people. Today’s teens are boasting two hundred Instagram friends and Twitter followers, but they are lonely. Even the kids who are going as friends are pressured to do the huge gesture.

Why? I think maybe we need to talk to our boys about what teen girls really seek. Don’t the girls really just want to feel special and appreciated? Don’t they still appreciate hand-holding, having doors opened for them, dinner and a movie or flowers? Isn’t there some highly technical way to make a mixed tape for that special girl?

Maybe we really need to encourage our teens to get out of the wide wide world of cyberspace and into the three-dimensional world of actual people and real world dating. If they can’t learn to talk face-to-face and problem solve in their relationships, what will their future marriages look like?

I think the answer is relationship. We need to treasure relationship with each other, with our spouses and with our kids. We need to teach them the importance of relationship and encourage them to pursue it. We were not meant to sit alone in a room while we shine in cyberspace. School dances weren’t designed around who has the greatest promposal. It’s all about relationship. It always has been.

What do you think about promposals and relationship? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

Infinite Blessings

Posted on by Wendy
God's blessings are infinite.
God’s blessings are infinite.

My daughter has been playing guitar for five years now. She’s become pretty good at it. While she likes to perform, and happily plays any time she is asked, every time I try to get her to enter any sort of talent contest, she flat-out refuses. When I kept asking her why, she told me that she loves playing, but wanted to know why I expected her to compete for some sort of prize or recognition. She wanted to know why she couldn’t just play for pure enjoyment.

I was speechless. (a rarity for me) She posed a good question. Why did I expect her to compete? If there’s an activity that she enjoys doing and it fills her soul and she can use it to serve God as well, isn’t that enough? Does she have to perform for some sort of human accolade or recognition?

I quickly reversed myself and told her that she should play whenever she wants and only then. She has experienced a similar situation with her grades at school. She does well because she works hard. She makes A’s through her own sweat and work ethic, not because school is easy for her. But, inevitably after every test, there’s one girl who just has to know what her grade is. Why does it matter? The girl finally told another student that my daughter always made one point higher than she did and she just couldn’t stand it.

Again, I ask why? What difference does it make? Is there a limited amount of A’s available? Furthermore, she’s not going for valedictorian or anything like that. Why does the other girl feel the need to compete?

I’m all for competition in sports. There really has to be a winner. Why else would you play? There is legitimate competition for class valedictorian and Star Student and things like that, but why do we want to compete over every little aspect of our lives? It’s as if we believe that there are a finite number of people who can have talent or a finite number of people who can be honor students or a finite number of people who can have nice houses or good marriages.

We sometimes act as if God has a finite number of blessings available. But, if we dig deeper, we have to know that the word finite can never be used to refer to God. If we know that truth, then why do we insist on competing with one another relentlessly?

I think maybe it’s our focus. I think when we focus on ourselves or on other people, we are not focusing on God. When we focus on God, we use our talents to the best of our abilities to honor Him with our lives. That may look like winning a soccer game, but it may look like playing, “Jesus Loves Me” at children’s church. It looks a little bit different for everyone.

What God focus never looks like, is fretting that someone else has nicer clothes or a newer car. The focus should be using our talent to serve God and fellow Christians with it. It doesn’t look like always seeking the spotlight or obsession with winning.

Jesus said, “The last will be first and the first will be last.” Matthew 20:16 The Kingdom of God is full of infinite blessings. They simply don’t run out. I think we should keep our eyes on Him and off of ourselves and our neighbors and count our blessings. They really are infinite. What do you think about infinite blessings?

Have an awesome day!

Wendy

Growing Friendship

Posted on by Wendy
My daughter had some really good friends come and cheer her on at a performance last weekend.
My daughter had some really good friends come and cheer her on at a performance last weekend.

My daughter is almost finished with her freshman year of high school. When she started this year, one of her friends asked her what she hoped to accomplish during her four years of high school. Her friend went on to say that she wanted her name on trophies to be displayed in the office. She wanted her name left permanently on the school. She also had plans of obtaining very high grades that would also earn her a permanent plaque.

When she pressed my daughter on what she hoped to accomplish during her high school years, she replied, “I hope to make some lifelong friendships like my mom has with some of her friends from high school.”

Her friend was stunned. It doesn’t seem like a very lofty goal at first glance, but it’s much harder than it appears and incredibly worth it. Friendship isn’t something that’s tangible and they certainly won’t give you a trophy for it with your name engraved on it, but there are few things in life that I treasure more.

I just celebrated my forty-fourth birthday and one of my dearest friends from high school came over first thing that day and brought me a card and we had coffee and caught up. Her gift was priceless.

My daughter had a performance last weekend where she sang and played the guitar. She invited her closest friends to her performance. They came and stood in the hot sun for an hour-and-a-half, waiting for her to play and then clapped and cheered for her when she went on.

In the early teen years, I can’t tell you what this means to a young girl’s self-esteem. These friends are a gift from God, a gift I pray she will always treasure. I pray that these kids will continue to grow their friendship as they love and support each other.

I truly believe she got it right that day in a conversation in early August. While sports and grades are definitely a very important part of high school, relationship is king. Competition and hard work are a necessary part of life, but we were made for relationship. All the social media and texting over talking, has made relationship and true friendship much harder to grow.

It may be harder, but not impossible and I regularly encourage her to gather with her community. My mom did the same. There was always a crowd of kids at my house growing up. They always felt welcome. We always had a place to be together.(and plenty of snacks) We made memories that still make me smile.

My daughter’s friends are often at my house where I always try to make them feel welcome. I try to encourage relationship and I pray that she will always remember the fabulous gift that true friendship is. Who knows, perhaps on her forty-fourth birthday, one of those girls will join her for coffee? I hope she will be that blessed.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

 

Keeping the Coyotes at Bay

Posted on by Wendy

 

The woods can appear much safer than they actually are.
The woods can appear much safer than they actually are.

My hubby and I were sitting on the porch a few nights ago enjoying the spring air. The sun was getting close to setting, but it was still light out. We could hear sirens in the distance. The high-pitched noise got all of the neighborhood dogs barking and howling. We shook our heads at all of the commotion and then we heard this ear-piercing noise, just off of our yard, in the woods. It was howling just like the other dogs, but their were so many different voices. He and I froze as it dawned on us at the same time. “Coyotes,” we said in unison.

We know that they are back there. We have had neighbors see them from time to time. But, they sounded so very close and there were so many of them. It was truly creepy and it made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. The sounds of the sirens subsided as did the shrill howling. Our dogs continued to bark, safely on their side of the fence. I wondered if  the dogs knew they were there all along or did the howling alert them as well?

Although unpleasant, it was a reminder that we needed. There are predators out there whether we can see them or not and complacency is dangerous. The Bible tells us that we are in an ongoing spiritual war against “spiritual forces of evil.” It tells us to be vigilant. It does not tell us to be afraid, but to protect ourselves.

It’s a lot like our ongoing, “War on Terror.” We’re not supposed to be afraid to live our lives. If we are, then the terrorists win. We are to live our everyday lives with our eyes wide opened and be prepared to act if necessary. Think about all of the hoops you have to jump through these days if you want to fly. You have to take your shoes off. You can’t carry anything larger than a few ounces. There’s a huge list of requirements to get on an airplane. While we grumble about the huge inconvenience of it all, we grudgingly comply because it keeps us safe.

Our spiritual lives are no different. To be vigilant we need to read the Bible. What exactly does God have to say about this issue or that? We need to pray and listen for His voice. (It may take more than five minutes while we are falling asleep at night.) We need to attend worship service somewhere.

Finally, we really need to get connected to some kind of Christian community. Whether it’s a Sunday school class or a small group or even an online community. Christians need each other to grow deep faith roots. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man (or woman), sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17.

We need each other. We need community. God designed us that way. It can help to fill up our hearts and souls. It can help us in times of grief and celebrate with us in times of joy. It can help to keep us safe. There are predators out there just like the coyotes behind my house. We don’t have fear them. We just have to be vigilant. I think the peace of mind is worth it. Don’t you? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

There’s Potential in All of Us

Posted on by Wendy

 

I'm so glad I saw potential in this dog. Her presence on our lives is a blessing everyday.
I’m so glad I saw potential in this dog. Her presence in our lives is a blessing everyday.

We have a little dog named Piper. She was for adoption at he Oconee Fall Festival and I just couldn’t help myself. She was a little older. She hung her head down. She looked like she had recently had puppies. She was skinny. Something about this dog called to me. All I could see when I looked at her was potential. I knew in my heart, with a little love and nurture that she would be a great dog.

My hubby wasn’t so sure, but he reluctantly agreed. She ended up having heart worms, so that was an ordeal in itself. But, boy was I right. Piper loves every member of our family. She loves to snuggle. She loves being near us. When I write, wherever she is in the house, she comes and lies on her bed near my chair. She brightens everyone’s day. Her presence in our home is a blessing.

What would have happened to her if I hadn’t spotted her if I hadn’t seen her potential? I shudder to think about it. My hubby commented the other day on how pretty and shiny she is now and how nicely she has filled out. He said he could hardly believe that she had once been so ugly.

I was shocked. Ugly? He thought she was ugly? Scrawny maybe, beat down, certainly, but ugly? I never saw her that way. I just saw an animal in need of some love.

People are no different. I was recently talking to a little girl at school and I told her that she was  beautiful. She didn’t hesitate to tell me she was not. I told her she was wrong. She told me that she had been called ugly her entire life. She’s ten. Who says that to a child? I assured her that the people who had told her that, obviously didn’t know what they were talking about. She smiled a little at that and now when I see her, she sits up a little taller.

I was helping a boy the other day, practice on the computer for the CRCT. He struggles with reading and has a horrible home life. When I would read the question to him, he knew the answer. He just struggled with the reading part. I whispered to him after working with him for a while that he really is smart. You should have seen his big smile. He was beaming. I don’t know that anyone ever said that to him before.

I have seen adults blossom with some encouragement as well. There are so many talented people walking around out there who are too self-conscious or frightened to share their God-given gifts. Fear comes from the enemy of God’s people. We are all given gifts and talents that are unique to each individual. We are called to use them.

They may be as simple as being a good listener or a good organizer. You may be a good artist or a good builder. You may be an awesome banjo player. There is something that you are really good at. If you are using that talent to serve God in some way, good for you. Keep at it. If you are not, let me be the first to say, you are needed. Say a prayer. Take a deep breath and get going.

If you have no idea what you have to offer, let me reassure you, you have something special. Pray about it. God will point you in the right direction. Jesus calls us to love one another. Let’s use our talents to spread the love.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

Praying for Wonder

Posted on by Wendy
This was the first bird I saw during my prayer for wonder.
This was the first bird I saw during my prayer for wonder.

As I was preparing to write today’s post, I was praying for guidance. My family has had a really rough week. Tornadoes tore across the Southeast last night and we are expecting a second wave tonight. To top it off, I woke up with one of those throbbing sinus headaches that refuses to let go, no matter how many cups of coffee combined with Advil and suphedrine you throw at it.

I’ll have to admit that I was feeling kind of low and uninspired. The skies were a dull gray and I was looking out the window and praying for some kind of inspiration for today’s post. I read a book last summer called, “Wonderstruck, by Margaret Feinberg.” It’s about asking God to show you the wonder in life. I highly recommend it. Our world is full of wonder and I found myself praying for some.

Almost immediately, a Cardinal plopped down on my deck. Those birds always make me smile because my hubby and I have a running  joke about them. His grandmother always told him that when you see a Cardinal walking on the ground that, “money is coming.” So whenever we see them, we joke about money being on the way. They truly are beautiful birds and they always brighten my day.

Right after the Cardinal landed, an Indigo Bunting landed on the other side of the deck. These birds are much rarer in my area. They are a gorgeous, deep blue. They are one of those birds that make you really appreciate God’s fabulous creativity.

 

By Dawn Scranton from Cornwall, Ontario, Canada (Indigo Bunting) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
By Dawn Scranton from Cornwall, Ontario, Canada (Indigo Bunting) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
I was already feeling better when a Scarlet Tanager also landed on the deck. These birds are not only rare here, but very difficult to spot. They are a favorite of bird watchers because of their vibrant red color and the black on their wings, but they usually stay hidden high in the canopy of trees. They are also migratory for my area, so he was likely just passing through. But, he just happened to pass through and land on my deck with two other beautiful birds while I was praying for wonder?

 

By Mike's Birds (Scarlet Tanager Uploaded by Magnus Manske) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
By Mike’s Birds (Scarlet Tanager Uploaded by Magnus Manske) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
I don’t think so. The Bible says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7. I wasn’t praying for riches or a new car. I was praying that God would show me His presence on this dreary day. He did and now I’m sharing it with you.

Look for the wonder of God’s handiwork in the world around you. It might not be a burning bush, so look carefully and quietly. If you can’t find it, pray about it. He will deliver something memorable. Just give it a try. When has God provided you with wonder? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

A Time to Plant

Posted on by Wendy
Planting is a lot of work, but the harvest is worth it.
Planting is a lot of work, but the harvest is worth it.

This weekend, my hubby and I finally got our little garden started. We are trying a raised bed because we just weren’t up to fighting with the weeds. We are a little late getting started, but we have had an unseasonably cold spring and a winter that simply refuses to acknowledge his time to go.

We got an early morning start and left the two teens in the bed. We started at a local seed shop. They were already busy when we arrived. Everyone was walking around attempting to pick out the perfect tomato plant along with all of the rest of the veggies.

What caught my eye was an elderly gentleman on a scooter. He even had an oxygen tank he was hauling along. He had a younger woman with him, perhaps his daughter, and was giving her instructions about which plants to pick. This man couldn’t even get up and walk around, but was planting veggies.

What makes growing your own vegetables so important? I mean, it’s a lot of work and Georgia summers are just about as hot as it gets here on planet earth. I filed these questions away as we headed to Lowe’s to pick up some other needed items.

Lowe’s was predictably packed on a beautiful Saturday, even if it was early. Here again, I noticed many seniors picking out vegetables plants. These are likely people who had to grow their own food at one time. You would think that they would enjoy the convenience of the grocery store, but apparently not.

Now there’s been a lot said lately about buying local and growing our own food. It’s all over Facebook among other places, but these seniors probably don’t even have a Facebook account. This is not a new fad for them. It’s not a cool trend. It’s a way of life.

I always pay attention to what folks with gray hair are doing. They have a certain amount of wisdom that can only be acquired by living. They know that planting a simple green plant in the ground and watering it and fertilizing it is one of the few times we get to assist God in giving life. We get to help create something that’s made to nourish our bodies. That really is kind of amazing.

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, “There’s a time for everything and every activity under heaven.” It gives a long list, but one of the activities listed, is a time to plant.

The thing about planting is it involves nurture, hard work and patience. There’s some perseverance involved when you are battling pests. (Anyone recognize some fruits of the Holy Spirit here?) Sometimes you have to work a long time before you actually get any fruit or vegetables from your labors, but when you do, it’s the most gratifying feeling ever.

Sometimes life is the same. Sometimes we feel like we work and work at something, but don’t see results. (Think: dieting, teaching kids to pick up after themselves, house training a pet, working on improving a marriage, fill in the blank…..)

Maybe it’s just simply our time to plant. There will eventually be a time to harvest. The Bible says so, but perhaps we should just keep on planting and nurturing what we are given to do. If we are diligent and don’t give up, the harvest is likely to be spectacular!

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

God Wins

Posted on by Wendy
In the end, God wins.
In the end, God wins.

We had a representative from Gideons International speak at our church yesterday. You know who the Gideons are, right? They are the guys who stand on the street corner from time to time and hand out the small Bibles with the New Testament. They also are responsible for putting a Bible in every hotel/motel room in the United States.

It’s really kind of a cool story.Two men who were traveling with their jobs ended up staying in a room together one night in 1899 because the motel was overcrowded. They both were Christian men and ended up doing their evening devotional together. At the end of their prayer, they both felt called by God to start a ministry together. They then met with one other man and the Gideons were born.

In 1908, they began placing Bibles in hotel rooms. To date, they have handed out 1.9 billion copies of scripture. Not too bad for a little over a hundred years.

The representative who spoke yesterday shared some success stories. There was one that really caught my attention.

There were two members of the Gideons in a city in Columbia. These two men had never traveled internationally to distribute Bibles and they were a little nervous. Their day was going fabulously as they handed out the Bibles to an eager public. Then one man angrily stomped over to them.

He began yelling that they had no business in his country handing out Bibles. He told them he would show them what he thought about their Bibles. He snatched one and threw it as far as he could. Then he stomped away.

The men were a little intimidated of course. Isn’t that what Satan likes to do? He throws obstacles in our paths to frighten and intimidate us. He tries to get us to turn away from God. These men stood their ground and continued to hand out Bibles. The traffic picked up again and all was well.

They began to smell a strong odor of tar. In the people around them, stood a man almost completely covered in tar from head to foot. He was holding one of their Bibles and a tear was rolling down his cheek. He explained to them that he was working on a roof nearby when a Bible came flying through the air and landed at his feet.

He went on to tell them that his wife had left him and taken their children. He had been contemplating suicide. He asked them to tell him about Jesus. They did and lead him to Christ that day.

Are you getting chills yet? God took one man’s act of hatred and anger and turned it into another man’s salvation. God always has a plan even when we can’t see it. The Bible says, ” The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.” Romans 16:20.

God always wins in the end. That’s a promise, one that makes me want to stand up and cheer. What about you?

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

Strong Women

Posted on by Wendy
Women can sometimes appear delicate, but in reality, be incredibly strong.

My mom recently texted me about how tired and overwhelmed she was feeling. I immediately texted back that she should channel her inner Janice and Aunt Mary. We all have those women in our lives who are pillars of strength. You know who I’m talking about. They never have to raise their voices, but the folks around them just listen, out of respect.

Southern women can often fool the casual observer. They often appear to be not much more than a pretty face wearing a skirt and lipstick. They don’t yell or get in your face, but there is a quiet strength which can be quite lethal to those who underestimate them. The term “steel magnolia,” is a perfect example of what I’m talking about.

My mother is one of those. She’s a little bitty thing that often keeps quiet, but she can be a force to be reckoned with. My family is dotted with these women. I’ll bet yours is too. They are a gift from God. They have the ability to get things done and the ability (and this is important), to do it quietly. They don’t seek a lot of attention.

The Bible is full of these women. Most of them don’t have entire books dedicated to them, but their stories are important in God’s Big Story, just the same.

Moses’ mother Jochebed, hid him for three months after his birth and then made a tiny basket that would float and placed him in the Nile River. The Nile was full of crocodiles among other things, but she trusted in God for her son’s safety. Then when Pharaoh’s daughter found him, she volunteered as a wet-nurse, totally giving up the right to be his mother, but guaranteeing his survival. He would grow up to lead an entire nation to freedom. She was a steel magnolia.

When Ruth’s husband died, she decided to leave her home and all of her family behind to follow her mother-in-law, Naomi, who she knew needed her. After trusting Naomi’s wisdom, she found another husband named Boaz. She became the great-grandmother of King David and therefore one of Jesus’ ancestors. She was a steel magnolia.

Mary is one of my favorite strong women. She was told as a teenager by an angel that she would give birth to the Son of God. She agreed. She raised him and stood by him the entire time he was dying on the cross. She was praying with the other disciples at Pentecost when the Holy Spirit blasted onto the scene. She was a steel magnolia.

All of their stories are so important and there are many more in the Bible. Christianity celebrates the role of women in God’s plan, no matter how small it may seem. So if you are a woman, whatever you are doing today to spread the love of Jesus from saying prayers with little ones, to visiting with a neighbor, to leading a Sunday School class, keep going. Even if you feel like your contribution doesn’t matter, keep giving.

God sees your service and I feel in my heart, that He is pleased. Isn’t delighting your Maker all that really matters anyway? You go girl!

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

 

That’s My God

Posted on by Wendy
A beautiful key chain made by a fifth grader.
A beautiful key chain made by a fifth grader.

I have been a substitute teacher in a special education class for the past few weeks. It has definitely been an interesting experience, frustrating at times and rewarding at others. What it has not ever been, is boring!

Today, at the end of class, the students were packing up and waiting for the bell. One of the kids pulled out a key chain he wanted to show me. It was a beautiful picture of Jesus. He smiled as he pointed out the sparkles all over it. He was really proud of it. I’ll have to admit that it was a really unique piece, carved on a small piece of wood. When I asked him where he got it, he told me that he had made it.

Another student came ambling over to see what we were looking at and he asked, “Who is that?” The boy with the key chain stated, “That’s my God.”

It was that easy for him. This isn’t a boy from the best of circumstances, but he knows who his God is. He knows Jesus and he’s not afraid to say it.

How do we do when asked the same question? Do we try to explain who Jesus is and what he stands for? Do we nervously try to avoid eye contact when we talk about him? Would we proudly carry a key chain with a picture of him on it?

Philippians 2:10-11 tells us, “that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

God’s plan is for all people to worship Jesus. In the end, everyone will acknowledge him as Lord, whether they are willing or not.

There are many ways to share our faith. Some are complex and some are quite simple.

As usual, I learned more from the kids I work with than they might learn from me. A simple statement, “That’s my God;” really got my wheels turning.

If I were to show you a picture of Jesus on a key chain and ask you the same question, what would you say? Maybe that’s a point for all of us to ponder. Sometimes simplicity is best. What do you think?

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂