Category: Community

My sister has been visiting from New Jersey for the past few weeks. She has three kids who are two, four, and six. She is a busy lady. The youngest, Lois, talks all of the time, like two-year-olds do. Most of the time we can understand her, but sometimes we can’t. When we can’t, whoever is talking with her, whether it’s my sister, my mom or dad, my kids or me, we politely ask her to repeat her phrase.

She will. Sometimes she has to repeat it several times before we figure it out. Sometimes, whomever she is speaking with will call another person over to help them figure it out. No one ever gets annoyed with her and she rarely gets annoyed with us. We all are making an honest effort to communicate and we all seem to understand that, even the toddler.

As I was watching my sister interact with her, the other day, it really struck me, how different our world would be, if we all made the concerted effort to really understand each other. So often, we only half-way listen to the person speaking to us because we are busy formulating our response. We really want that person to understand our point; but what about their point?

Stephen Covey once said, “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.”

What would our relationships look like if we followed that logic? What if we really listened to our spouses when they were carrying on about something we might think is ridiculous? What if we really tried to understand why he/she is angry or upset? There is  usually some underlying reason.

When our teen says something rude or does something that we find unacceptable, what if we tried to find out the why before doling out the punishment? Don’t get me wrong here. Teenagers are a breed unto themselves with bodies that have grown much faster than their brains. I’m not saying that we should treat them as adults or best friends. They are still children. But, their mistakes are often just that, mistakes. They are also often teachable moments. Maybe, we would get better behavior and more communication if we made the effort to understand the why.

What about the co-worker or neighbor that drives us crazy with incessant chatter about this or that? Have we ever asked ourselves why this person is never quiet? Have we ever thought about walking a mile in their shoes?

I have tried this approach with my own kids when we talk about the difficult people in their lives. The ones who annoy them the most or who act out the most, usually have the worst home life. While that doesn’t excuse bad behavior, I’m as much a mama bear as the next woman when it comes to my cubs, it teaches empathy. In my mind, empathy is something we’re all short on these days.

So, I’m keeping little Lois in mind and trying to understand first, before seeking to be understood. It’s not always easy, but I think it’s worth a try. Care to join me?

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

She approached me at the grocery store the day after I returned from vacation. It was the day before Father’s Day. I don’t know her well, but we worship together at the same church and we both attend the early service. I speak to her every Sunday.

She asked me how Vacation Bible School went, and if you ever read this blog, you know that is a ministry I’m very passionate about. I told her how great it was, chattering on like a Magpie. She politely listened and then said she had wanted to help, but her father was in the hospital that week. Uhoh, I had been rambling on about something I hold near and dear and clearly, she was in pain.

I stopped. I told her I was sorry to hear that. She said he was out now, but he has lung cancer. I caught my breath. Everyone knows that lung cancer is never good. It rarely has a good prognosis. I let her talk.

She volunteered immediately that he wasn’t a smoker. Don’t we always ask that when we hear the term, “lung cancer?”

“Did he/she smoke?”

We somehow like to make ourselves feel a little bit safer with that question. If they smoked, they brought it on themselves. It’s a judgement. It’s wrong and I have been guilty of it myself, but she was clearing her daddy’s name. He wasn’t a smoker.

She said they were thinking it had to do with years of working for the telephone company and crawling through people’s houses. Mesothelioma was likely the cause. Then she said the words, that really gave me pause. “He’s 89, but still…”

I reached out and touched her arm and replied, “It doesn’t matter how old he is. No one is ever ready to lose their parents.”

She brightened and stood up a little straighter. This wonderful woman has been blessed with parents who have lived to a ripe old age. They have been blessed to be great-grandparents and she loves them dearly. Her daddy is sick. His age doesn’t matter. She is mourning the end of life as she knows it.

Long life is a blessing. We should celebrate it as well as our many other blessings and thank the Good Lord who has blessed us. It doesn’t matter whether someone is one or one hundred years old. Death is sad. It separates us from those we love, for a time. The Bible tells us there is a time to mourn and Jesus himself, wept when all those around him were mourning the death of Lazarus.

But, sometimes, I think the people around us need permission to mourn. Sometimes they feel like they have been so blessed, they don’t have the right to mourn. It may not be a death. It may be the loss of a job or a pet. It may be the loss of a job or of their independence. It may be a child leaving home for the first time.

That’s where the community of believers comes in. Even though I don’t know her well, I worship with her. She is a sister in Christ and for whatever reason, our paths crossed that day and she reached out. I reached back. I gave her a hug and told her I would pray for her.

She thanked me and told me they were going to see each day as a gift. I was again struck by her words as I told her that we all should be doing that anyway. We said goodbye.

I don’t know which one of us received more that day. I pray that I was able to give her some level of comfort. I know that she imparted some major wisdom to me. And Jesus? Well, he was standing there beside us at Publix, of that, I have no doubt.

“For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20

Have you ever had the opportunity to reach out to someone you don’t know very well? Has someone reached out to you? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

 

My daughter just returned from her first mission trip. She went to Eastover, South Carolina with a small group from our church to help repair houses that were in terrible shape. There were so many ways that God had His hand in this trip, from the people who went, to the group she ended up with. I will share that in a later post, because as I’ve said before, when you really look for the hand of God, you will see it almost everywhere.

On her very first evening there, she was playing around on her guitar with a college chaperone, Caitlyn, who went and brought her guitar too. Another chaperone for the camp, just happened to be walking by and insisted that they lead worship every night.

Let me give you a little back story here. My daughter has played guitar  for a little over five years now. She has the most wonderful guitar teacher on the planet. Her name is Vanda. Vanda is a Godly woman who helps lead a praise and worship service at the local chapter of the Salvation Army. She always has a smile on her face. She encourages my daughter to believe in herself. She witnesses to her about her own faith. She has suffered a terrible tragedy in the loss of her son, Jon. She has had ongoing heart problems. Yet, week after week, for over five years, she greets us and all of the other kids who are lucky enough to have discovered her, with a smile. I see the face of Jesus, every Monday afternoon, when I see her. She is a light to all who know her.

Then there’s our youth pastor, Nikki, who has always encouraged my daughter to play her guitar at church. She insisted that she bring her guitar on this trip.

So, now you are caught up.  Whenever my daughter has ever had a performance, she practices for weeks ahead of time. She has never been confident enough to just go with it. That changed last week when she was unwittingly recruited to play. (Which is impossible to have been a coincidence)

She had to get up each evening and play in front of people she didn’t know. She had to play songs she didn’t know. This would never be something she would have normally agreed to. But, with Vanda’s years of encouragement and coaching, along with Nikki’s years of encouragement, and let’s not forget a healthy dose of the Holy Spirit, she played every night, alongside Nikki or Caitlyn.

She got to participate in leading worship of around thirty people. She got to use her talent to praise God. Vanda got to reach people she had never met, in another state, because she shared her gifts. Community came together to make beautiful music.

As the mother of a teenager, I am more thankful everyday for the people who help my children in their faith walk, from Sunday school teachers to school teachers, to church volunteers, to a very special guitar teacher. God has blessed us with so many wonderful mentors and so often they never know what a difference their contribution makes.

To all of you who have ever shared your wisdom, talents, gifts, or love with a child, let me assure you, that God sees your service. Even if you don’t get thanked for it here, on this side of eternity, there is rejoicing in heaven over your willingness to share what you have been given. God is pleased and in the end, isn’t that all that really matters?

When has a mentor made a difference in your life or in the life of your child? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

I recently attended a luncheon hosted by a delightful neighbor of mine. We have two families on our street who are moving. One is moving just one town away and the other is moving all the way home to Germany. My neighbor thought it would be nice to gather the ladies on our street together to say goodbye.

I was crazy busy that day. I was at the end of planning for Vacation Bible School and the house was a mess, but I stopped what I was doing in the middle of a Saturday and went across the street for lunch. Boy, was I glad I did. She had appetizers, (made herself, not the frozen ones.) She had Prosecco, tea, and lemonade. She had a table set with beautiful linens and she was using her good china.

The food was delicious and the company was superb. We were all mixed ages and backgrounds as neighbors tend to be, but we found plenty to chat about over lunch. We laughed at each other and with each other. We participated in community.

One of the ladies who relocated here from Las Vegas, was asking about hummingbirds. She wanted to know if any of us had any. I asked her if she had a feeder out. She said no. That lead us to talk about all of the squirrels that raid our bird feeders if we attempt to have one, but her question got me to thinking.

When I put a hummingbird feeder out in the late spring or early summer, I always have hummingbirds, always. If I put it out too early, I won’t get any, but that’s because it’s not the right season, not because they don’t appreciate the feeder.

How often are we like that? We complain or feel badly that we don’t have close friends or that we don’t know our neighbors, but do we ever extend an invitation or open our doors to strangers to make them friends?

If we have extended an invitation and we were turned down, perhaps it wasn’t a rejection. Perhaps it just wasn’t the right season. If I put out a hummingbird feeder in December, I won’t get any hummingbirds. It doesn’t matter how beautiful the feeder is. The birds just aren’t around in December. But, if I put it out during the right season, I always have visitors.

I will never have hummingbirds if I don’t put out a feeder. By the same token, I won’t get to know my neighbors if I don’t accept or extend invitations to or from them for lunch or dinner.

A little hospitality is an amazing thing. It can be as small as a plate of brownies to welcome new neighbors or an elegant luncheon using the good china. It’s almost always appreciated and I am always blessed when I accept invitations or extend them.

I think I’ll make an effort to be less busy and extend a little more hospitality this summer and see what happens. I’ll bet it will be a lot like the hummingbirds at the feeder. What do you think about hospitality? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂

The show, The Voice, returned to television on Monday night and I’ll have to admit that my family was captivated. We are a musical bunch. My son plays the drums and my daughter plays guitar. We have some type of music playing in our home most of the time. It’s just how we are wired.

The show opened with the four judges singing each other’s songs, so an international star was singing country and a rock and roller was singing rhythm and blues. It was really cool to watch. Music has a unique ability to unite people and as I watched the show, I was thinking that it is a good representation of America.

People of all different shapes and sizes,colors and backgrounds try out for the show. All different types of music are represented. The coaches with their backs turned to the contestants, choose their teams only with their ears. They don’t see the contestants. They only hear them. They are chosen solely for their ability to sing. Their age doesn’t matter. How they look doesn’t matter.

The audience is given some background information, but the judges aren’t. Each judge ends up making a team and then they compete to see who will be the last man or woman, standing. But, I find myself really cheering for these people. They are chasing a dream and making it come true and it’s a lot of fun to watch.

The judges pick on each other and there’s a lot of laughing. But, when it comes to the contestants, they are always so encouraging. Even when someone really messes up, they are so kind and empathetic. They have each been in the contestant’s shoes at some point.

Empathy is something we seem to have lost as a society. We rarely ask ourselves what it must be like to walk in the other guy’s shoes. We are so self-focused about our own feelings and our own needs that we don’t take the time to stop and think about what someone else may be going through. Maybe that person snapped at me because she’s not feeling well or maybe that child is acting out because he’s having a tough time at home.

When we become adults, we sometimes magically forget about what it was like to be a kid or a teenager which is probably what causes so much of the friction between adults and kids. But, if we try to remember back when, what today’s kids are going through isn’t so much different that what we went through ourselves.

And as far as the music goes, every generation takes up a new jam and the parents and grandparents have always had the obligation to hate it. We may have reached a time where that’s no longer the case. Thanks to iTunes and shows like The Voice, we can appreciate all types of music and it can unite us. Meanwhile, we can get a dose of encouragement and empathy, which is always a good thing.

If you’re looking for a family show and you like music, check it out. It’s one of the few things on network television that my whole family can watch and enjoy and I’m thankful. What do you think? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂