The Danger of Venting

Ephesians 4:29

In the movie, “The War Room,” the character, Elizabeth, goes to visit Miss Clara, about learning to fight for her marriage. She begins by gushing about all of the bad things he has done to her. Miss Clara cuts her off and tells her that, that kind of talk isn’t helpful for saving her marriage, but that prayer is.

I have thought about those words for the past week. Thanks to Sigmund Freud and the idea of catharsis, we have come to believe that the best way of dealing with every little thing that irritates us in any sort of way, is to vent about it, or quite simply, complain to anyone who is willing to listen about everything from bad service at the McDonald’s drive thru, to more serious family and marital issues.

Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly situations where talking it out, helps. I also believe that there are wonderful therapists out there who can help us get to the core of problems we may be having.

But, as is the usual course of humanity, we have taken something that is appropriate in certain situations, and made it a daily lifestyle choice and social media has aided in our constant desire to vent about the wrongdoings that the world heaps on us.

If someone cuts us off in traffic, we tweet about it. If we are irritated by something our spouse has done, we post it on Facebook. Anything that causes the smallest annoyance, makes our social feed.

But, does sharing our problems in cyberspace, help us in any way, or is it possible that typing it out makes something small into something bigger? And what about the people reading our negative thoughts and posts? Do our words stir up more negative emotions for them?

I think venting about our spouses can be particularly destructive to our marriages. When we put them down and constantly talk negatively about them to others, we begin to regularly think more negatively about them. How can that be helpful in preserving a marriage?

And what about the people we are venting to? Does it make them look for cracks in their own marriages or family lives?

The Bible says, “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3

Could that also mean the things we constantly talk negatively about, like our jobs or relationships, could be damaged somehow by our words? Don’t negative words and thoughts often lead to action?

I think the key is prayer. When someone cuts us off in traffic, we can always say a prayer for our own peace and safety. When someone says something to hurt our feelings, we can pray for patience and understanding and we can also pray for that person. God can take care of it, without us venting to five friends or taking it to Twitter. And when things get tough with our marriages, prayer can give us patience and understanding and God can give us grace.

It’s not about not being able to be angry; it just turns out that God wants us to share our pain and disappointment with Him. He’s truly the only one that can give us peace.

Miss Clara reminded me. Perhaps you needed reminding too.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂