Permission to Mourn

Sometimes, people need permission to mourn.

She approached me at the grocery store the day after I returned from vacation. It was the day before Father’s Day. I don’t know her well, but we worship together at the same church and we both attend the early service. I speak to her every Sunday.

She asked me how Vacation Bible School went, and if you ever read this blog, you know that is a ministry I’m very passionate about. I told her how great it was, chattering on like a Magpie. She politely listened and then said she had wanted to help, but her father was in the hospital that week. Uhoh, I had been rambling on about something I hold near and dear and clearly, she was in pain.

I stopped. I told her I was sorry to hear that. She said he was out now, but he has lung cancer. I caught my breath. Everyone knows that lung cancer is never good. It rarely has a good prognosis. I let her talk.

She volunteered immediately that he wasn’t a smoker. Don’t we always ask that when we hear the term, “lung cancer?”

“Did he/she smoke?”

We somehow like to make ourselves feel a little bit safer with that question. If they smoked, they brought it on themselves. It’s a judgement. It’s wrong and I have been guilty of it myself, but she was clearing her daddy’s name. He wasn’t a smoker.

She said they were thinking it had to do with years of working for the telephone company and crawling through people’s houses. Mesothelioma was likely the cause. Then she said the words, that really gave me pause. “He’s 89, but still…”

I reached out and touched her arm and replied, “It doesn’t matter how old he is. No one is ever ready to lose their parents.”

She brightened and stood up a little straighter. This wonderful woman has been blessed with parents who have lived to a ripe old age. They have been blessed to be great-grandparents and she loves them dearly. Her daddy is sick. His age doesn’t matter. She is mourning the end of life as she knows it.

Long life is a blessing. We should celebrate it as well as our many other blessings and thank the Good Lord who has blessed us. It doesn’t matter whether someone is one or one hundred years old. Death is sad. It separates us from those we love, for a time. The Bible tells us there is a time to mourn and Jesus himself, wept when all those around him were mourning the death of Lazarus.

But, sometimes, I think the people around us need permission to mourn. Sometimes they feel like they have been so blessed, they don’t have the right to mourn. It may not be a death. It may be the loss of a job or a pet. It may be the loss of a job or of their independence. It may be a child leaving home for the first time.

That’s where the community of believers comes in. Even though I don’t know her well, I worship with her. She is a sister in Christ and for whatever reason, our paths crossed that day and she reached out. I reached back. I gave her a hug and told her I would pray for her.

She thanked me and told me they were going to see each day as a gift. I was again struck by her words as I told her that we all should be doing that anyway. We said goodbye.

I don’t know which one of us received more that day. I pray that I was able to give her some level of comfort. I know that she imparted some major wisdom to me. And Jesus? Well, he was standing there beside us at Publix, of that, I have no doubt.

“For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20

Have you ever had the opportunity to reach out to someone you don’t know very well? Has someone reached out to you? I’d love to hear from you.

Have an awesome day!

Wendy 🙂